Turtle enjoying a bath)
All I want in a boyfriend is someone who won’t touch me or talk to me, but who periodically checks in to see if I’m okay and brings me food whenever I ask.
A waiter. I just realized I’m looking for a waiter.
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked